Hi Nile!
My (26F) partner (32 NB) have what usually feels like a healthy relationship. We’ve been together for 8 months, have had serious talks about moving in together and have met each other’s closest family members. Our sex is enjoyable for me, and I think it’s enjoyable for them, but it’s been getting a little more intense. We both like to get a little rough sometimes, especially after a few drinks, but it’s been getting more intense from their side lately. They want me to choke them harder during sex, and I think they gets turned on by pain. I don't think it's healthy. I’ve tried to bring it up, but they blow it off. What should I do?
-Not the Noose
Hey there, Not the Noose. Sounds like you're in a bit of a tangled situation. When it comes to intimacy, things can get complex, especially if there's a mismatch in desires or comfort levels.
First things first, your concerns about the intensity of this dynamic are totally valid. If you're feeling uncomfortable or uncertain about the direction things are heading, it's crucial to address it.
Open and honest communication is key, but it seems like your attempts to talk about this haven't been received well. It's important that your partner understands the impact this change in intensity is having on you and your comfort level during intimacy.
Maybe try approaching the conversation in a non-sexual setting, when you're both relaxed and not in the heat of the moment. Express your feelings and concerns in a non-judgmental way, emphasizing that you care about their well-being and the health of your relationship.
If they continue to brush off your concerns, it might be time to reassess things. Your boundaries and comfort are crucial, and a healthy relationship should involve mutual respect for each other's boundaries.
Seeking guidance from a professional, like a sex therapist or counselor, might also be beneficial. Sometimes having a neutral third party can help navigate these sensitive conversations and find common ground.
Remember, your well-being matters just as much as theirs in the context of your relationship. Don't hesitate to prioritize your comfort and seek the support you need to navigate this situation.